Here’s … Matt Gaetz

After he retired and recuperated, Mills revealed that while he had been setting American tax policy, he had often been consuming half a gallon of alcohol a night and had once hallucinated that buzzards were chasing him.

Now that was a scandal.

Donald Trump may have been a terrible president, but he was a terrific example of how to weather crises like the revelation of his drop-ins on naked beauty pageant contestants and that adultery case argued out in the New York tabloids. Another man might have curled up in a ball under the bed in humiliation. But Trump just measured the headlines and moved right on.

Now, The Times has reported that at the very end of Trump’s presidency, Gaetz asked the White House for “blanket pre-emptive pardons” for himself and some of his allies. Trump, who has been spectacularly silent about his loyal supporter’s problems, quickly said he had not discussed pardons directly with Gaetz.

Maybe he missed the memo. Gaetz is a huge Trump fanboy who recently proposed to his fiancée (yes!) at Mar-a-Lago. He offered to resign from Congress to represent Trump as his impeachment lawyer. That would have been a touching gesture except that Gaetz is clearly a guy who’d be happy to trade in his seat in the House of Representatives for, say, a gig hosting a game show.

If his goal is making it big on right-wing talk shows, Gaetz is certainly going to have to be more careful. During a recent appearance on Fox, he reminded Tucker Carlson about the time they went on a double date. Carlson most definitely did not recall.

While there have been lots and lots of shocking political gossip stories circulated over the years, it’s a little different when the whole world can just Google everything. In 2019, for instance, a conservative website published nude pictures of Representative Katie Hill, which the freshman Democrat decried as revenge porn leaked by her estranged husband.

Hill’s story moved into a second chapter when she admitted she had an affair with a campaign staffer and resigned from office. Gaetz sort of congratulated himself for defending her back “when her own Democratic colleagues wouldn’t,” and she recently agreed that he had been a pal at “one of the darkest moments of my life.”

… Before adding that if there was even “a fraction of truth” to the current reports — that included showing off pictures of naked women without their consent — he should definitely resign. “Immediately.”

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